


What He Realized

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Awkward Levi, Character Death, Eren making Levi go soft, Fluff, I hope you like this trash, I just had to get this out of mysystem, Its okay thought because that is his passion, Jean is a dramatic idiot, Levi and Mikasa are siblings, Light Smut, M/M, Titan-Haired Eren Yeager, ereri, trans!Mikasa, when you write one shots instead of continuing fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-24
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-04-11 01:55:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4416608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi looks at Eren expectantly. Eren took the invitation.<br/>“So, here I am just blabbing like an idiot. You’re probably not even gay, but…will you go out to dinner with me one time?”<br/>That was the first time he realized he liked Eren Jaeger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What He Realized

**Author's Note:**

> (when you don't know how to write a summary so you just put something that is vague as fuck)
> 
> Hi! 
> 
> I did something.
> 
> I don't think I did it good but I did something so here.

Precisely at ten in the morning, Levi visits his friend’s coffee shop every Monday. He has been for the past two to three years, and not once has he broke the habit.

            Levi leans against back on his chair and eyes the outside world moving in constant motion, no way showing any signs of stopping. He knows New York City like the back of his hand, and he may also be the only human being who wants to live anywhere but  the city that never sleeps. Ever since he was little, Levi likes quiet. He can do things under a quiet atmosphere. He can study for his upcoming midterms under a quiet atmosphere. The city and anyone who lives in it is anything but that, with its honking and loud as fuck mugging.

Like, honey, we get you’re getting mugged. And no one’s going to help. Don’t be surprised.

            Levi looks up when he hears someone sit across from him, and it ends up as always, with no mistake, being Hanji. Levi’s best friend works at this place, her own bright ass shirt blinding the raven man. Every day, Hanji asks the same question.

            “Hey, Levi! How is your day?”

            And every day, Levi answers the exact same way, “Pretty average.”

            In the beginning his friend would question the vague answer but Levi wouldn’t elaborate. It is not like he’s hiding a secret side from Hanji (he isn’t a superhero unless you count cleaning as a superpower), but because his life is nothing but pretty average.

            Yet his friend never fails to ask that same question and Levi never fails to reply the same way. Afterwards, Hanji would go on and on and Levi would listen. He would rather spew out life stories to random strangers he has never met because he will never meet them again.

            “How’s university?” Hanji grins.

            Levi shrugs. He is on the last year of his masters, on full scholarship, at NYU, majoring in biochemistry and as per usual, having straight A’s. As he can recall, Levi never had anything lower than an A- since first grade. His mother’s words ring through his head every time he wants to laze around: Make mama proud.

            “Pretty good.”

            And then Hanji launches into a story about her day and Levi, without a beat, zones out, like he usually does.

            It is like a schedule, Levi’s life, and every day is a step closer to his goal. He wouldn’t consider himself a boring man, he can crack a good joke here and there, but he doesn’t have an urge to live life with uncertainty and excitement. All Levi wants to do is get a good job, and that comes from dedication.

            The waiter who took Levi’s order comes by and gives him his black tea, the short raven man takes a long sip of his drink and stares out the window. Hanji’s words end up becoming white noise as Levi watches the people of New York hastily walk by the small coffee shop, but as his eyes flicker between faces one gaze captures his own.

            There are bright green eyes, staring back at Levi, his face caught with a smile as he was obviously laughing at what the friend beside him has said, but as his eyes continue to linger at Levi’s, his smile fades.

            He smiles again, like a greeting, to the raven and Levi just blinks back. Then, he passed by, but his memory is left behind as Levi thinks about those gorgeous green eyes. But later the raven shakes the vividly eyed boy out of his mind as he continues his schedule of going out wherever Hanji takes him.

            That was the first time he saw Eren Jaeger.

 

 

_“When I first met you, I noticed your eyes were exquisite.”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

Every Sunday, Levi loves to study and work at Starbucks, like any other basic person in the entire world. He never orders drinks from the famous franchise but instead orders cake pops every single day. One cake pop, popped into his mouth as he sucks on it like a lollipop, and his fingers gliding skillfully on his keyboard of his laptop. When the cake pop starts to fall apart in his mouth, Levi chews and throws away the stick. Then, five minutes later, Levi would put his laptop back into his bag before getting up to use the restroom.

            Except this Sunday, Levi ended up being thrown back onto his table.          

            “Omph,” Levi wheezed out as his middle slammed to the end of the table, his chin forced down as an unfamiliar but heavy weight was on top of him.

            “I’ll fucking kill you, Kirchstein!” The weight on top of Levi suddenly lifted and the raven could finally breathe.

            Someone, possibly the ‘Kirchstein’ fellow, said, “Try to fucking get me.”

            Levi pulls himself up and turns around to see the scene unfold. Kirchstein is facing Levi, his face resembling a horse— _like Sarah Jessica Parker_ —and an ugly sneer. The culprit who landed on Levi is facing away from him, and so Levi could only see brown hair pulled back into a tiny bun— _the hair possibly may be barely past the neck?_ —and, to Levi’s surprise, a masculine frame.

            “I’m going to kick your ass!” The brown haired boy yells back.

            Kirchstien just sneers and notices Starbucks staff coming by. He scoffs and stomps out of Starbucks, but not before yelling, “Meet me outside.”

            Levi, frozen where he is, is relieved thinking it’s finally over. He’s now waiting for the man in front of him to leave, and so Levi can rush to the Starbucks bathroom, and then rush out to go home. He’s going to spend the rest of the day pretending that never happened.   

            But he didn’t leave. He instead turns around, and looks at Levi straight in the eye, bright green facing dark, stormy grey. Levi slightly frowns. There’s a pause, whether it be a millisecond or ten minutes, they stare at each other.

            “I’m sorry,” He says. He gives Levi another smile, and then leaves.

            That was the first time he heard Eren Jaeger.

           

 

 

_“Your voice was beautiful and it soothed me”_

 

* * *

 

 

Levi is walking back home from class, the lower half of his face covered with a bright blue scarf with kitties all over it— _a gag gift from Hanji which actually proves to be useful_ —as he tries to catch a cab. His hands are waving frantically while trying to keep a balance over the snow covered sidewalks.

            A cab speeds by, splashing half melted snow onto Levi, his coat now partially drenched. The college student curses, the cold engulfing him now.

            “Do you need help?”

            Levi turns to see the same boy from the sidewalk, the same boy at Starbucks who slammed him down on a table. Levi wonders how he’s always running into him— _is this some sort of joke?_ The green eyed boy is wearing nice winter clothes as if he’s a model. A nice blue beanie is covering his long hair, his bangs partially covering his face. Yet, Levi can see the piercing green eyes.

            Levi clears his throat and pulls down his scarf, his chapped lips are shown. “No.”

            The other boy shrugs, “I’m Eren.” He doesn’t seem like he’s going to move away.

            Levi just nods and stares ahead. Another cab is coming by in the distance and Levi moves to frantically wave his arms. Like the other, it speeds ahead. Levi curses his bad luck with cabs.

            Eren watches. “I’m sorry, again, for accidently slamming you down on Starbucks.”

            Levi just nods. He refuses to stare at him. Levi refuses to look at the green eyes.

            Moments go by, and Levi is still waiting for a cab. It seems uncanny, that the majority of cabs passing his way are either being used or jack asses that drive by and cover Levi—and Eren—with more snow. Eren is right beside him. Neither of them say a word.

            Eren does soon though, “I—um—it was on purpose.”

            Levi now looks at him.

            Eren awkwardly shuffles around, refusing to meet Levi’s gaze. The other boy picks at his own scarf as his eyes are fixated on his shoes. “I don’t think you remember me, but I saw you through a window. I remember because you have facial features of a model.”

            Levi doesn’t comment, but as he fixes his scarf over his face, it is not to block out the cold.

            “And when I saw you again at Starbucks, I know I needed to talk to you. I didn’t know how. So I got my friend Jean to help me do a little acting. I was supposed to just run into you, not body slam you to the table, and be all cute and stuff. Except Jean is a dramatic idiot—he’s a drama major, wants to be teacher—but anyway, he kind of took it too far and I wasn’t sure if you’d want to talk to me after that.”

            Levi’s hand continues to grip his scarf. Another cab is passing by, and Eren holds his breath as he waits for Levi to jump up and call it. But he doesn’t.

            Levi looks at Eren expectantly. Eren took the invitation.

            “So, here I am just blabbing like an idiot. You’re probably not even gay, but…will you go out to dinner with me one time?”

            That was the first time he realized he liked Eren Jaeger.

 

_“You were the best thing that has ever happened to me.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Levi’s door opens automatically. The short man is at his kitchen, preparing a meal. The glorious smell of Levi’s cooking is engulfing Levi’s apartment like a warm blanket. Eren would always say that everything Levi does, despite having a cold demeanor, is warm.

            Eren comes and locks the door behind him. Levi doesn’t look up from cutting the vegetables. He asks, “Did you get the wine?”

            Eren hums a yes as he stands beside Levi, leaning against the counter. He places the wine bottle right behind him and stretches. “I’m nervous.” Eren admits.

            Levi just shrugs, “You’ll be fine.”

            Eren continues to watch Levi cut the carrots. Both boys continue the rest of the evening in glorious, comfortable silence.

           

Mikasa comes in an hour or two later. Levi prepared an amazing dinner, even lobster, Mikasa’s favorite dish, in a sly attempt to make him happier. Levi smiles when he opens the door to his brother, his arms stretched out. Mikasa gives an awkward hug—an Ackerman specialty—and clasps his hand on Levi’s shoulder, “How are you?”

            Levi’s trans brother is finally—and he means _finally_ —sporting a genuine smile.

            “I’m doing great.” Levi answers honestly, “How are you?”

            Mikasa shrugs, “It was a rough transition, but it was worth it.”

            Levi nods and steps back, letting Mikasa into the house. Levi turns his head to see Eren standing a little farther away than what Levi expected, but when Levi saw the uncomfortable and scared expression on his face, the raven spoke up.

            “Mikasa, this is my boyfriend, Eren. Eren, this is my brother, Mikasa.”

            Mikasa nods, “Nice to meet you.”

            Eren smiles as best as he can, “Likewise.”

 

 

“I always knew I was a boy.” Mikasa says. He’s pouring more wine into his wine glass and Eren and Levi listen intently. After some awkward tiptoeing around, Eren finally got to ask all the questions he’s been holding in when Mikasa said he’s fine with telling his story.

            Mikasa takes a sip, “I told Levi when I was thirteen. I was scared out of my mind, but Levi made it all better.”

            The raven, not expecting the compliment, awkwardly coughed, “I’m going to get another wine bottle.”

            Levi gets up and rushes towards the kitchen, his cheeks dusted with pink. As he opens the liquor cabinet and pulls out another wine bottle, he stares out of his kitchen and onto the living room, where Mikasa and Eren are talking. Levi has a relatively small apartment, and so he watches his brother and boyfriend talk. They’re now laughing, Mikasa looking comfortable in his skin, and Eren looking like…like he was something that was missing.

            Levi smiles ever so softly at the view before him. He hopes it never changes.

            That was when he realized he wanted to keep Eren Jaeger for a long time.

 

_“You were absolutely perfect.”_

 

* * *

 

 

The room is dark, except for candles spread around, illuminating a warm glow. They were scented candles, all of them vanilla. It was nice and soothing, and as Levi walks to his room, his eyes widen. Eren, on the middle of his bed, stripped naked, but he covers himself up with his hands. Or Levi thought. Eren was instead pleasuring himself, his fist coming up and down slowly.

            Eren gasps at Levi’s presence and stutters, “You’re home early.”

            The bright eyed boy immediately sprawls across the bed in a sensual way. Eren is leaning on his side, one hand on his hip as another is holding his head up. Levi’s blood is pulsing through his veins—he can feel it.

            “Eren.”

            “H-happy…” Eren clears his throat, “Happy birthday, Levi.”

            Eren’s voice drops an octave, as low as Levi’s. The raven man just walks towards Eren, “Why?”

            “I made you wait long enough.”

            Skin slides against skin.

            Sweat drips down Levi’s temple.

            He’s covered in a tight embrace.

            He feels the words at the tip of his tongue, but as he lets go, during a euphoric high, he chokes down the three words.

            Levi stares at Eren’s sleeping face. He runs his hands through Eren’s too long hair, and leans close to his ear.

            That was when he realized he loves Eren Jaeger.

 

 

 

_“I love you.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Levi is graduating. He can see Eren, Hanji, and Mikasa at the crowd as he accepts his diploma. His idiot friend Hanji is whooping loudly, causing everyone around those three to stare at them. Eren just awkwardly smiles at everyone while Mikasa just stares ahead, not giving a fuck.

            When the ceremony was over, Levi walks towards them. Hanji attacks Levi first, squeezing the life out of him while Levi curses her out. His best friend just laughs and steps back, and that is when he notices the slight tears glazing her eyes.

            Levi smiles and goes to give Hanji a hug. Surprised, she returns it a hesitant moment later.

            Levi faces Mikasa, his brother just laughs and gives Levi another hug. It ticks Levi off that he’s the one with the tall gene, bending down slightly to properly give Levi a hug.

            Mikasa congratulates Levi, “Two great things in one day.”

            Levi frowns as Mikasa pulls away, “Two?”

            Mikasa gives Levi a wink and steps back. Levi just oddly stares at his brother but he turns around to face Eren and—

            Eren is on one knee, and in his hand he’s holding a black, small box. It’s closed, but Levi thinks he knows what is in it. Doesn’t take an genius to figure it out.

            Eren takes a shaky breath just as Levi releases one.

            “Eren.” He whispers.

            “Levi,” Eren starts, “I love you so fucking much. So, so fucking much, and I know you hate sappy things so I’ll just cut right to the chase…will—“

            “Yes!” Levi blurts. Honestly, he thought he’d be the one to propose.

            Eren laughs, “Wait, let me finish.”

            Levi nods his head frantically.

            “Okay…will you—I”

            “Yes, yes, yes,” Levi grips the diploma in his hand. His emotions are on an overdrive. The most beautiful man is kneeling in front of him, and Levi doesn’t know what to do.

            “Levi…” Eren chides playfully, “Will you marry me.”

            This time, Levi doesn’t say yes. He acts upon it. The short man launches himself onto Eren, his hands gripping Eren’s face as he crashes his lips to the man he loves. Eren wraps one arm around Levi’s neck as his other holds the black box.

            Levi pulls back and Eren finally presents the ring. A simple silver band with small studded diamonds encircling it, “I’m already wearing mine.”

            Levi checks to see that, yes, Eren is wearing an exact one. Levi laughs and Eren slips the ring onto Levi’s finger. “I thought I’d have to propose.”

            Eren shrugs and wraps his arms around his now fiancé, and presses a small, sweet kiss onto Levi’s lips. Their noses bump and rub against each other as Eren slightly pulls back and stares into Levi’s eyes. “I love you.”

            That was when he realized he doesn’t know what he would do without Eren Jaeger.

 

 

 

_“You’ve been there during my best moments….”_

 

* * *

 

 

Levi’s phone clatters to the ground as it falls from his grip. The short man is having a hard time registering the words that are going through his head. His phone is still making noise, distant ‘hello’s are echoing in the bathroom, but Levi doesn’t notice it.

            He stays like that. For how long? He doesn’t know. Possibly a minute. Or possibly an hour. But when the situation hits Levi like a pile of bricks, he moves. And he moves fast.

            Levi rushes to wake Eren in his chaotic state, screaming and throwing things everywhere before finding appropriate clothes to pull on and rushing out of Eren’s apartment.

            He could hear Eren behind him as he calls for a cab, both boys shuffling in. Levi’s leg jumps up and down impatiently as he cab drives as fast it can due to Eren’s request to ‘HURRY THE FUCK UP’.

            Eren clasps Levi’s hand as they exit the cab and run up to the front desk in the hospital. Levi asks for Mikasa and is hurried to a room.

            But before he could open the door, Levi looks at Eren. Their hands are still clasped together and Eren gives a little a squeeze and a small smile. Levi tries his best to return before facing the door…and opens it…

            Mikasa is eating pudding, a considerably medium size band aid on his forehead.

            “Oh, hey guys.” Mikasa gives a slight wave, “The hospital call you?”

            Levi’s jaw drops.

            Eren moves from behind Levi, “You’re…okay?”

            Mikasa scoffs, “I’ll have a bad scar on my forehead. I hope it is similar to Harry Potter’s though. That’d be cool.”

            “I-I…” Levi takes a deep breath, “I got a call that you’ve been in a horrible accident?”

            “Yeah but only the cab driver got severely injured,” Mikasa states, “I’m perfectly fine.”

            His brother takes a deep breath and gives a nice big smile. Levi looks at him strangely. Who is this and where is Mikasa?

            “You’re smiling.”

            “I’m seeing the world in a new light. When you experience near death stuff…it changes you.” He says, eating more pudding, “I’m going to now spend my days helping the world. I might move to Argentina or something. Maybe write a book about transgender. Do something.”

            “Wow.” Eren whispers behind Levi.

            Levi just groans and runs a hand over his hair. He chokes out a strangled laugh before coming close to his brother. Levi bends down to give Mikasa a half hug.

            “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

            Levi looks behind him to see Eren already looking at him, a pleasant smile on his face. Levi returns it.

            That’s when he realized Eren Jaeger can’t get any more perfect.

 

 

_“….And you’ve been there during my worst,”_

                                                                                     

* * *

 

 

Levi takes a shuddering breath as he continues to read what’s left on the paper. He clears his throat and repeats again, “Um, you’ve been there during my worst.”

 

**“Is this Levi Ackerman?”**

 

            The paper is drenched from the drizzle and also Levi’s tears. He can’t bring himself to finish it but as he stares at the dark crowd and their gloomy expressions, he looks down and reads the rest of his eulogy.

 

**“I’m sorry, but we have bad news.”**

 

            “I realized something new about Eren Jaeger every single day—either it be a personality trait or interest or whatever. He’s hotheaded, but passionate. He’s innocent, but caring. He’s everything…everything I found perfect. He loves to play video games at three a.m. He loves to eat breakfast for dinner, and last but not least, he loved me as much as I loved him.”

 

**“Eren Ackerman, your spouse, has been in the car accident off West 42 nd street.”**

 

            Levi thumbs his wedding band.

 

**“The entire front of the car is damaged.”**

 

            He looks back at the coffin behind him. It’s closed, so Levi won’t break down in tears every time he sees Eren’s cold and unresponsive body.

           

**“We got to him too late.”**

 

            “Correction: He loved me as much I _love_ him.”

 

**“Or he would’ve been fine.”**

 

            Levi chokes. The rain is now starting to pour heavily as Levi walks back to his seat beside Hanji and Mikasa. They both stare at him with pity, even without meaning to, and so Levi couldn’t hold their gaze.

 

**“He already lost a lot of blood.”**

 

            As the rest of the funeral is held, Levi continues to stare at Eren’s coffin. He then looks up at the sky, where dark clouds are covering the area. He closes his eyes as rain pours down on him, declining Hanji’s request to get under the umbrella with her and Mikasa.

 

**“He’s no longer alive.”**

 

            That’s when he realized the world is a cold place without Eren Jaeger.

 

**“I’m sorry for your loss.”**

**Author's Note:**

> DID I MAKE ANYONE CRY? I HOPE SO!
> 
> How was it? Comments and Kudos make my day!! 
> 
> Btw, the idea of trans Mikasa just hit me randomly while writing this and I was like YES! 
> 
> And I kept Mikasa's name because apparently it is a unisex name which is convenient. 
> 
> (my tumblr is shakespearestoop)


End file.
